We all make fun of Dad Jokes and Dad Humor and, you know, dads in general, but listen – it’s really, really hard not to laugh at them when they’re really in Dad Mode.
If you love hearing the jokes about fatherhood from the dudes living it, these 13 tweets are going to be right up your alley.
13. We all have our lines in the sand.
Some of us are willing to do more than others, obviously.
I'd walk through fire for my daughter. Well not FIRE, because it's dangerous. But a super humid room. But not too humid, because my hair.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) September 11, 2015
12. That’s gotta kill at least 20 minutes of your day.
Six donuts is a lot, though. All things considered.
STATUS UPDATE: Helping my kids look for the last six leftover donuts I ate last night.
— The Cultured Ruffian (@CulturedRuffian) May 11, 2020
11. That lesson will definitely stick with them.
I’ve threatened to divorce my husband for less.
Just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream.
— Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) September 4, 2011
10. Yeah go ahead and take the good vacation.
That will serve him better in the long run.
watching the kids play hide and seek in the park and mine just hid behind a chain link fence
at least we don't have to save for college
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) January 27, 2014
9. Oh my god that’s hilarious.
And awful, but also funny.
A cute thing I tell my kids when we see a dead deer on the side of the road is, "Looks like Santa lost his temper again."
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) July 19, 2014
8. What is so endlessly fascinating about light switches?
Other than the fact that we scream at them to stop, I mean?
My son can now reach the light switches so don't come over my house unless you're really into raves or want to have a seizure.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) February 21, 2013
7. This thing called life is a series of cruel jokes.
If there is a higher power, I have some questions.
The day your kids stop waking up early on the weekend is the same day your body stops letting you sleep in.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) June 14, 2020
6. Buy some Magic Erasers and you’ll never freak out again.
You will be freakishly calm. At least about marks on your house.
as a parent of a toddler nothing is more terrifying than finding a marker lid by itself.
— NewDadNotes (@NewDadNotes) April 25, 2020
5. They will find you with their questions.
Just get an Alexa and turn the job over to her.
ME: *escapes to a remote island thousands of miles away*
MY 5Y/O: [appearing out of nowhere] daddy, what would happen if somebody drank fire?
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) June 10, 2020
4. Not even your parents will love you.
Social media is for everyone, remember. Except for TikTok. That’s for the youths.
SON: I went viral, dad…
ME: Congratulations! I always knew your memes would bring clout to this family.
SON: No, not for a meme, for saying something stupid.
ME: [already pulling out my phone to publicly cancel my son] You live in the woods now.
— Nate Usher (@thenatewolf) August 18, 2019
3. Welp, he called that one.
Don’t tell her I said that.
Told my 4yo to stop being such a Karen and she promptly informed my wife.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) May 22, 2020
2. One day they will for sure find this.
They might need therapy after but it’s funny.
I constantly google "how to put your kids up for adoption" so my kids can find it on my search history and know that I'm not messing around.
— Goats? (@Gooooats) February 18, 2016
1. Just keep looking cute, kiddo.
I’m sure a nice family will come along soon.
Son: am I adopted?
Me: not yet, but we're hopeful.
— Lloyd Rang (@lloydrang) June 26, 2013
I’m giggling even though I kind of hate myself for it!
Which of these got you laughing in spite of yourself? Tell us in the comments!