There’s a lot of competition when it comes to authoring hilarious tweets about the day-to-day nonsense that takes place at home with children – a lot.
So much material, so little time, right?
If you’re looking for the best of the best, though, we think these 14 tweets deserve some serious consideration.
14. Just let her talk to the auditor when they call.
I’m sure it won’t be long.
me: what is 345 minus 127?
me: *filling in taxes* thanks
— *sigh*clops (@aotakeo) April 22, 2020
13. That stuff is expensive these days.
Also really sticky to clean up.
Whoever coined the phrase “Don’t cry over spilled milk” clearly never had a kid spill a whole gallon.
— Jess Carpenter (@JessCarpWrites) May 11, 2020
12. It all makes about as much sense too.
But we go with it because it’s cute.
Living with toddlers is like being stuck in an episode of Scooby-Doo, with all the running between rooms and slamming of doors.
— A Bearer Of Dad News ✊🏾 (@HomeWithPeanut) April 20, 2020
11. This complaint cycles a few times as we age.
I remember wishing my baby could talk and now he’s 3. He never stops.
Parenting young kids: *omg do they ever stop talking, I think they’ve been talking for 8 hours straight, does it ever end?*
Parenting older kids : “how is school, where are you going, are you dating anyone, what kind of music do you like? OMG PLEASE TALK TO ME!”
— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) May 27, 2020
10. It’s harder than it looks.
And definitely harder than you remember.
When my son failed a math test before March 1, 2020:
“Did you not study? Are you not paying attention in class? Do you need a tutor?”
When my son fails a math test today:
“Welp, buddy, we did our best.”
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) April 15, 2020
9. They’re always watching!
If you’re lucky, they’ll entertain you one day like this lad.
My toddler shouted “I NEED A BREAK FROM ALL OF YOU” and then locked himself in his bedroom. When we asked what happened he replied “nothing I’m just being daddy”
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) March 31, 2020
8. It doesn’t feel quite as good, but…
Just have a drink and tell yourself tomorrow will be different.
Today I worked from home, ran 10 miles, homeschooled my kids, cleaned the house, made a delicious dinner, and got my kids to bed early. It’s amazing what you can accomplish when you lie.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) April 15, 2020
7. Feels kind of nice, right?
Except, in a strange twist, we all really wish we could go to the park now.
This is like the only time we can tell our kids the park is closed when they ask to go to the park, and we won't be lying.
— Marcy G 🍕 (@BunAndLeggings) April 2, 2020
6. We can’t even have that anymore.
Come on, Barbie, live for the rest of us.
I was living vicariously through my 4yo’s Barbie dolls because they were always doing something awesome but now she’s pretending they’re in lockdown too so even that’s ruined.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) April 19, 2020
5. He really really needs that drink.
No way to sleep without it might as well hop up.
Nobody cares more about proper hydration than a kid who’s just been kissed goodnight
— Dad on my Feet (@dad_on_my_feet) May 5, 2020
4. I have often been out of breath after dressing my child.
I’m out of shape but not that out of shape.
me: please stand still so I can put on your pants
my toddler: pic.twitter.com/BoXGUo4q4A
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) April 22, 2020
3. They make FROSTED ones now.
Are those even Cheerios?
You spoiled brats with your flavored Cheerios. When I was a kid, Cheerios had one flavor…paper.
— Shelbi (@therealsoulsoup) May 2, 2020
2. He just wants to save his progeny.
He must have suffered a similar fate at one point before he learned.
My daughter just maintained eye contact while stuffing her face with the last of my chocolate stash and my husband said “oh shit” and picked her up and took her into the other room but he won’t always be here to protect her
— Mom On The Rocks (@mom_ontherocks) March 28, 2020
1. Just keep playing it safe.
Not all of this is bad.
Can’t wait to keep using the coronavirus excuse long after it’s over.
Kids: Dad, can we go to the playground?
Me: Sorry, guys. Quarantine.
Kids: But that was three years ago!
Me: (cracking beer) Can’t risk it.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) April 11, 2020
Well, what do you think? Cream of the crop?
Tell us how we did in the comments!