There’s no way to know when a father will reach peak dad levels with their jokes. We know the talent begins the moment they become a father, but as far as heights, well, the sky’s the limit.
These 10 dads have to be getting close, though, because their tweets are things of beauty.
10. It’s so very, perfectly terrifying.
And payback for you doing it to your parents.
Why would I pay for a haunted house when I can wake up to my kid silently standing by my bed at 5 AM.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 2, 2020
9. She’s doing the good work, I see.
Everyone needs a surprise space fact. To the moon and back!
The 6yo figured out she can sneakily stick a note on someone’s back. But she doesn’t know they should say things like “kick me,” so they just have space facts on them.
— Robert McNees (@mcnees) December 16, 2018
8. That’s a lot of yikes.
But hopefully no one was arrested. Or maybe that would have been better?
My toddler is always saying that he loves living in our apartment because it’s “high in the sky” which is adorable. Telling a police officer that he’s “going to get high at home with daddy” less so.
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) October 4, 2020
7. You probably won’t even KNOW what they’re doing if they’re quiet.
It’s all fun and games and puppy dog tails until the screaming starts.
If I learned just one thing as a parent, it’s that by the 3rd kid they can be juggling samurai swords and hand grenades and you won’t care as long as they’re doing it quietly.
— bacon popsicle 🎤 (@Gupton68) October 18, 2020
6. That seems like peak parenting.
Stashing this away for later. Don’t judge me.
Let’s see if my kid is smart enough to figure out that he needs to put away the dishes before can find his favorite Xbox game again … #parenting #ParentingInAPandemic #RedDeadRedemption2 pic.twitter.com/JvI8Jt4daq
— Chris Douvos 🇺🇸 (@cdouvos) May 22, 2020
5. Yeah, that’s the MINIMUM we should earn.
And get kick butt retirement plans, too. And ponies.
Anyone else think teachers should all earn about 500k a year? 😳👏🏻#HomeSchooling
— Dan Walker (@mrdanwalker) March 23, 2020
4. Anything but that! Anything but the Depp!
Watch out for those weird glasses making an appearance. And the ability to make funny voices.
This morning, my 3 year old son emerged from our bedroom wearing several of my wife's scarves and every bracelet she owns. I know he's young, and saying this may make me appear close-minded and intolerant, but I don't want him growning up to be Johnny Depp.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) August 7, 2019
3. I can see it! Can you?
Should we vote this into law right now?
I generally think of myself as an okay father but somehow I forgot to teach my two year old son what an owl was and he thought it was called a wood penguin
— non podhoretz (@crookedroads770) June 10, 2018
2. You have to admire her ingenuity.
But don’t believe her when she says she’ll take care of the dog.
Having studied my habits and preferences, my daughter hacked my attention this morning for her political agenda pic.twitter.com/GPlS3gSj5S
— Brendan Greeley (@bhgreeley) March 21, 2018
1. Hopefully he’ll grow out of it.
About half of us do. And about 75% of us have thought about it.
My toddler lies constantly, only cares about himself, and is terrifying when he doesn’t get his way. I’d say he has a pretty bright future in the Republican Party.
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) November 12, 2020
Parenthood is just so weird and special and sometimes totally awful, right?
What’s your favorite dad joke? Regale us in the comments!