Sleep deprivation is just part of the game when you’re a parent, but here’s the good thing – it makes you downright loopy, and so even things that are just marginally funny become downright hilarious.
That’s one reason why these parenting tweets are so snort-inducing, though I suspect they’re funny enough even when your brain is in proper working order.
12. Don’t think too hard about it.
Nothing good will leap into your head.
I usually find it cute when my kids mispronounce words but my 3 year old wanted porn flakes for breakfast
— threetimedaddy (@threetimedaddy) November 24, 2020
11. Same, child.
Adults just aren’t allowed to say this out loud.
Me: What do you want for dessert?
Me: On what?
5: My plate.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 22, 2020
10. To be fair, they don’t really understand batteries.
Or money, for that matter.
“I better shut this off when I’m done so the batteries don’t die”
– no kid ever in the history of kids.
— Tired Dad of 2 (@Tired_Dad_of_2) November 23, 2020
9. Talk about a war on Christmas.
I feel like Santa is probably prepared.
Son: daddy, will Santa be allowed to come this year?
Me: Afraid not, kiddo
Daughter: *dismantling bear trap* so we wait til next year?
Me: no… *loading crossbow* …we take the fight to him
— Sir Reginald Longstock (@HansGrubertron) November 22, 2020
8. At least he asked first.
That’s gotta be good for at least a couple of cookies.
I’m not saying my 4yo is an optimist, but while putting groceries away he held up a bag of cookies and said “I’ll just keep these in my room, ok?”
— Richard Dean (@dad_on_my_feet) November 23, 2020
7. How dare, sir.
Is this your first day?
It was the best of times, it was the accidentally-pushed-the-elevator-button-before-offering-to-let-your-toddler-push-it of times.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) November 24, 2020
6. For all they know, it shall never happen again!
Until an hour later when you take the elevator back down.
hell hath no fury like a toddler who loses the chance to push a button of any kind.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) November 24, 2020
5. How shall they ever learn how to fend for themselves?
The future looks bleak.
I've never felt like more of a failure as a parent than when I learned neither of my kids likes cold pizza.
— Ken Jennings (@KenJennings) November 23, 2020
4. Should you tell him?
Someone has to tell him…right?
Me when my kids talk about how cute the turkeys on TV are: pic.twitter.com/WYgizSOYFl
— X(mas)ennial Daddy (@Xennial_Daddy) November 26, 2020
3. There is no loyalty among preschoolers.
They will throw adults under the bus, too.
There is no limit to the number of things a 5-year-old will tattle on you for.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) November 17, 2020
2. Just living the dream.
I don’t know who’s dream. Not mine.
Let's get married & have kids so instead of enjoying Thanksgiving dinner, you can make sure no food touches on her plate while I microwave him a hotdog.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 22, 2020
1. That’s going to be a beautiful day.
But not for the nursing home attendants.
I watched my toddler eat a grilled cheese buck naked tonight, just buck ass naked eating a grilled cheese sandwich because he wanted to.
Someday, I’m gonna be just like him.
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) November 25, 2020
I love being a mom, but I wouldn’t mind getting a bit more rest here and there.
Which one of these cracked you up? Tell us in the comments!