It might seem like parenting tweets are a dime a dozen, but listen – it’s actually just that there are a lot of really funny parents out there who enjoy tweeting their observations!
We don’t want you to miss a single one of the good ones, so please, check out these 14 tweets we think will tickle your funny bone.
14. Why do they sell those things?
Who needs that in their life?
My son has a shirt that says, “my dad can beat up your dad,” and honestly thats too much pressure
— Crockett🍀 (@CrockettForReal) October 29, 2020
13. He should know better than to try that.
Kids don’t care about sleep, silly!
Me: Go to bed.
6-year-old: What's in it for me?
6: No thanks.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 31, 2020
12. They are truly masterminds.
Mine tells us he pooped but “already flushed” to try to get ice cream.
To entice my 3yo to poop in the toilet, we told him he gets a Kinder egg if he does it
He now poops in small deposits multiple times a day and asks for the chocolate each time
He’s a genius
— Kids_kubed 🇨🇦 (@Kids_kubed) November 4, 2020
11. That is a good one.
My favorite toddler memory is when my daughter called her trail mix “nut snack”. I can still see the stunned faces of friends and family when she’d casually say things like, “I love eating nut snack,” or “mommy, taste my nut snack!”
— Rhyming Mama (@sarabellab123) October 22, 2020
10. They know when you’re not looking.
Trust me on this one.
It’s incredible how fast toddlers move. I had my eyes on my 1yo and looked away for 30 seconds and now I need to pick her up at the airport.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) October 31, 2020
9. You take the wins where you can get them.
Seriously, some days they are few and far between.
I just yelled “WAKE UP,” to which my 4 year old responded “WHYDONTYOUPUTONALITTLEMAKEUP,” so no one question my parenting ever again.
— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) October 15, 2020
8. It’s important to have a family safety plan.
Might as well prep for zombies as well.
Kids will interrupt your really important conversations to ask questions like, “which door do you think the zombies will come through? The front door or the back door?”
— Rhyming Mama (@sarabellab123) November 5, 2020
7. More than a little.
I hope you’re not a superstitious person.
Instead of saying, “Good night, mommy,” my kid said, “Rest in peace, mommy,” and now I’m a little afraid to go to sleep.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) October 7, 2020
6. Germ-wise, they’re not wrong.
My kids love flushing, though.
The toilet handle is lava
— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) October 30, 2020
5. Bless his heart.
Chocolate milk will probably help.
Me: this day is stressing me…I need a drink.
3yo: here ya go dad *hands me his milk*
Me: got anything stronger?
3yo: yep! MOM CAN YOU GET DAD A CHOCOLATE MILK
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) November 3, 2020
4. Of course it was “huge.”
I left the front door open while I put stuff in the car and 3 came to the door and yelled THERES A HUGE POOP IN THE TOILET AND I THINK ITS YOURS MUMMY and that’s why we have to move
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) October 27, 2020
3. Just let me know if someone is bleeding.
More than a Band-Aid can handle.
If I learned just one thing as a parent, it’s that by the 3rd kid they can be juggling samurai swords and hand grenades and you won’t care as long as they’re doing it quietly.
— bacon popsicle 😷 (@Gupton68) October 18, 2020
2. Max of twice a day.
Not upwards of thirty.
Kids really overestimate how much parents want to guess things.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 17, 2020
1. Pullovers or bust.
Snaps are the devil.
Buy your toddler clothes with lots of snaps and buttons if you’ve ever thought it would be cool to do a puzzle that tries to kick you and run away while you solve it
— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) October 20, 2020
We got you on at least a few of these, right? Because what’s better than reading some tweets and laughing out loud?
Now we want to hear from you! What are your favorites? Let us know in the comments!