Different people shine on social media on different days, and although some parenting accounts are consistently funny, anyone can break in with some genius, relatable, pithy comment on any given day.
New talent or old standard, we think these 11 parenting tweets are just what we all need to start (or end) our days just right.
11. Until like the age of 5.
And it can turn on an absolute dime.
The only moods my kids have: pic.twitter.com/5gtVuknfiU
— A Bearer Of Dad News🇬🇾 (@HomeWithPeanut) December 29, 2020
10. I don’t know how those things are related.
I’m sure the kid does, though.
Me: please help clear the table
5: When you’re dead will I get your stuff?
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) December 31, 2020
9. This one doesn’t follow the rules.
You’ve gotta respect that.
6-year-old: I wish I was a bird.
Me: So you could fly?
6: So I could poop on things.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 28, 2020
8. I will also pray he’s not murdered by his loving mother.
In a tragic turn of events, my 10 YO is currently suffering from a severe case of life-threatening boredom just days after opening a new Xbox, a telescope, 7 video games, a computer chair & countless books, games & puzzles for Christmas. Plz pray he pulls thru, y’all🥺
— MomTransparenting (@momtransparent1) December 29, 2020
7. At least, she hopes it is.
If not, the afterlife is gonna be messier than we planned.
“Everything a child does is of God.”
My kids shit like hippos, Brenda, so I think my version of Heaven is very different from yours.
— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) December 29, 2020
6. Among other things.
If my son doesn't stop reading over my shoulder while I'm tweeting, he's gonna accidentally discover he was adopted.
— Kracked Kiwi (@KrackedKiwi) December 29, 2020
5. Does it also have alcohol?
If so, hand me a glass.
If toddlers were a cocktail:🍸
2 oz: I don’t want anything for breakfast but I’m going to eat all of yours.
1 oz: GTF out of here with that red cup… I want the other red cup!
1.5 oz: Here, hold my booger.
Poor in a chilled glass. Enjoy.
— Tired Dad of 2 (@Tired_Dad_of_2) December 27, 2020
4. And my youth and my body and my brown hair…
The list goes on and on, my friends.
My kid has stolen my heart. And my sleep. Aaaaand my snack.
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) December 31, 2020
3. That’s a whole morning long conversation.
And no, they still won’t get it.
If you want to feel a hundred years old, I HIGHLY recommend explaining to your kids what a TV Guide was, and how you got one in the Sunday paper.
— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) December 27, 2020
2. I hear that.
But I don’t think it means bedtime is suddenly gonna be a snap.
It’s 4:52pm and my 4yo just said, “ughh, why isn’t it nighttime already?!” And just like that, she turned into a middle-aged mom of two.
— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) December 27, 2020
1. Life lessons are important, too.
And won’t give the kids anxiety for the rest of their lives. Probably.
Her: “All four of my children were chosen for the gifted and talented program at their schools.”
Me: “Cool, I finally taught mine how to pick their noses in private rather than in public.”
— Faux Ma (@Faux_Ma) January 1, 2021
One day I want to be on one of these lists! Because if anybody is going to be on a list, you want to be on the “funniest people alive” list.
What’s your favorite parenting account? Do you follow some funny folks on Insta?
Share with us in the comments!